Hey all, hows things, hope you are all keeping safe and looking forward to a new year, hopefully a brighter one at least hey.
i have been OK, well that s a lie i have been better.
my last blog i talked about relationships and work and how hard it was to find love in this line of work. well not really hard to find love but more so how to commit to some one when they know you are in this line of work.

i thank you all for your comments i was really surprised at the amount of people that had read my blog and had so much great advise to offer.

i took a lot of peoples advise not long ago and i let my guide down and ran with what i was feeling at the time, i fall in love with a guy, it was very short lived you can say, maybe i wasn't ready or maybe it was all just to much to soon i do not know.

The sex was great and he was great in the way he took care of me but some things just didn't sit right with me at times and it made me totally second guess what i was feeling, it really pushed my guide back up to the point i couldn't stand the thought of him near me any more.
let me give you a bit more insight into how it all went down so you can all give me some advice in the future to avoid it getting to this point.

QUICK QUESTION BEFORE I START?
IS IT NORMAL FOR SOME ONE TO HAVE ABOUT 8 DIFFERENT FILMS ON NETFLIX ALL PAUSED AT A CERTAIN POINT IN THE FILM AND THEM ALL BEEN RAPE SCENES AND THAT BE HIS WANKING MATERIAL???? IS THIS NORMAL?

So Mr was a client a boundary i have never over stepped before, he was single not my type in the slightest much much older but there seemed to be some connection between us and after an out call to his address one night i stayed a little longer and he held me.
It just felt so right like our body was carved for each other they just fit perfectly entwined, i felt complete in that moment and fall asleep nearly, i had to will my self to get up and go home.

A few days later we got back in-touch and began to spend more time with each other we would do nice things for each other like buy each other nice gifts and cook each-other meals it was going fine.
After about 6 weeks i invited him round to my address and we spent time there as well as his, i guess we took it in turns really.

We talked about work and how it made him feel and he was super adult about it and told me how he was OK! with it, he asked me if i wanted to make a go of things with him and i said yes lets, he told me it was at my pace only and there was no pressure at all, he was like a dream come true.

Few weeks later we discussed while sitting in his kitchen total transparency and i told him how if he wishes to see working girls still i did not have an issue about.
I stated i would like to know when he has gone so i can either throw him in the shower or avoid seeing him that night, seen as i'm fully aware he loves to rim and lick pussy, i felt it was a total acceptable request but he seemed to come over all defensive and stated he wouldn't be seeing girls again.

I knew this was a lie and i felt sad that he wouldn't be transparent with me in such a way, the 1st sign of defensiveness when trying to have an adult conversation has always got to be a cause for concern right?

I tired to have to same conversation with him a few times after that and i still got the same defensive response.
i have seen this guys feedback this guy loves a punt lol
i left it there any way.
We had some great times although i have been going through some really bad times, he was aware it was something but i didn't share what was going on in my personal life completely it was a family matter and in my opinion we wasn't on them levels just yet.

We spent Xmas together for a whole two weeks and he come to my family's house with me by this point we had done a week together at my house and i was feeling pretty suffocated in my mind i was telling my self, ok he starts a new job after xmas and hes going to be gone all week, i can get my self back on track.

He had been helping me with a project in my house and had made a comment one day after we had been working hard all day, he said when this project is done that i was going to trade him in for a younger model, now this crap pissed me off he had now said this on a few occasions and this guy had just come back from my family's house celebrating the festive season, my family got him gifts to open on the day, they made such an effort to make him feel welcome and they new he was a client, yes guys my family know what i do we are completely transparent in my family.

Anyway we had a row i told him how i am sick of him making out like im using him, now i drive a nice car i have a nice home in the best area, i wear all nice stuff im on more money then his job there is nothing i need from this man.
He fully thrown his self into helping me with my project, no one asked him for help although i am truly grateful to him, but i know so many trades men in my line of work gosh i am not shy of help if needed my work phone is like my builder website alone, not to mention i also have three slaves on the go that love to do that shit and get off on it ha ha

Anyway i just got more and more pissed with him and i couldn't wait till he went home he was causing an atmosphere in my home my sanctry my safe haven and i hated it, i didn't have the heart to say to him look just leave your really making me feel really suffocated its all getting two much, and to be honest its a good job i never at the time after what happen next.

He was going to his new job on the Monday and we planned for him to come back to mine on the Saturday, i was going to have this much needed time alone like i was telling him baring in mind when he left on the Sunday to start his new job on the Monday i cooked him up a pie and drove 45mins to his on the Monday evening with my girl just to go drop him a nice warm meal, he had been in work out in the cold all day so i though we was on good terms.

tues/wed went by and we was fine , he messaged me morning and i said morning too and he asked how i was i told him look i am just going to have some time to my self i need some space i have some things that need thinking over and just need some time out, he was fully understanding and said ,,,,,,,(THESE ARE THE ACTUAL MESSAGES BY THE WAY WORD FOR WORD..)
HE SAID,,,,
okay, i understand.just remember babe do not let those suppressed feeling, emotions and thoughts consume you....
i replied,,,,
No i am OK babe just having a breather from every one, i'm OK though just at home been productive getting stuff done i am not sat in a depressed state i'm just taking a minute. thanks for been understanding.
his reply,,,,,,
hey its OK i'm just laid on my bed and missing you, could do with a cuddle shall i come up because i'm not in work till Monday, so glad now i can spend more time with you and do some more D.I.Y.
my reply.....
no i need time out
i need time out ........wont say his name but this means from you to i'm having some alone time i have things i need to think over.
his reply,,,,,,,
can i call you?
my reply,,,,, no why are you not listening

now wait for this this just topped me over the edge...

his rely,,,,that is fine, you carry on giving me the cold shoulder....i have been very understanding and patient with you so far but i have my limits and if i am honest, your starting to push me away. this relationship is meant to be a two way thing but i seem to think so far its been about your choices and your feelings and no i'm not playing the victim here but its unfair on me dont say i didn't try because i tried my best......
my reply,,,go away you selfish prick just because i do not want you here....

So this was the be all and end all for me guys, now quote me if i am wrong but did this guy totally dismiss my need for space my need for time and totally dismissed my feelings, like i don't get it was a total Jacqueline Hyde situation i don't get how he was all supportive one minute and then the next an absolute gob shite.

So a week after the xmas period i just got sick of him and i was sleeping on the sofa and leaving him in the bed i just needed my own space i didn't wanna be bugged i have men all day every day rubbing up against me when i go home i just want to sit in my own space not have to make conversation of tend to your needs i wanna have my lemon and ginger tea in bed with touch of honey and sip on it slow with out been interrupted.......

now quote me if i am a bitch but there is prob more stuff then i have told you about on here that was just strange with him i am just scratching the surface.
but Thursday when going through that with him he knew i had something major to deal with that weekend something heartbreaking that certainly didn't need any more pressure from any one but he just created me more hardship and heartache.
So its now Sunday and i haven't spoken to him since Thurs and i do not plan to either come tomorrow im going to change my number and just get my life back on track, i'm mad with my self for letting this man even enter my life and disrupt it for a while.
i know things moved so quick like we knew each other weeks and he was putting pictures of us in frames and gifting them to me now i'm unsure if you girls or guys find that sweet and normal but to me that shit is cringe.

I couldn't hide the fact i thought so when he found it still in my glove compartment weeks later lol i think he must of thought i was going to have it at the side of my bed like i did not even know the guy its all a bit strange....

So after all i have written am i a nasty cow or are my actions and thoughts justified, i'm here now feeling bad thinking have i been a bitch but then i think for some one to be so dismissive of my feelings and intentionally create me more hardship when he knew what i was about to go though he wanted that fall out 110% why the hell should i feel bad about him.

He hasn't tried to contact me any way he has kept his distance and if he thinks hes going to get a chase from me hes so so wrong lol my friends call me the ice queen and believe i can live up to that shit.....

so this was my winter romance lol he told my friend he made loads of changes to be with me ha ha i said yh he did make loads of change, loose fucking change in his pocket not having to pay for pussy no more that IS what change he made........

Well my rant IS OVER i think its safe to say i'm stuck in my ways he was not the one for me,,,,,,,the search still remains.
OVER AND OUT GUYS XOXO

P.S ANY TRADES MEN PLEASE COME FORTH